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So select photos that look good, but could also in some universe be reasonably understood to be you.

Relatedly: Select photos where you can actually see what you look like.

But turning your dating profile into a laundry list of complaints isn’t going to get you what you want; at best it’s going to make you sound like a whiny baby, and at worst it’s going to make you sound like a huge racist. You sound like a bad Lifetime movie boyfriend, not a reasonably dateable person.

I’m sure I mentioned it like 56 times in my profile, but just in case you missed it, here is me in Laos. Love it.” Think beyond “this is a cool / funny / flattering photo that I like” and ask yourself, “How is a total stranger going to view me and my life when they look at this photo? This one should be obvious, but unfortunately it’s not. The exception to this rule: You are a moron who would like to attract other morons. One very reliable red flag on online dating sites: People who list the age range of people they’ll date as significantly younger or significantly older, but not overlapping with their own.

Stick to these rules, be kinda funny, try not to be a cliché machine (you love to laugh and couldn’t live without your family and friends?! ) and your profile should be at least marginally acceptable (and hopefully won’t end up here for the wrong reasons).

___If you've got your own online dating horror stories, drop them below, or submit them anonymously.

But only one of those things should be listed on your internet dating profile.

A bit of humorous honesty (you’re a literary snob who secretly liked the Twilight series; you’re a food blogger who once ate dog food as a kid) is a plus.